That's what you get, folks, for making whoopee

Can somebody please give me a hand while I step up on my soapbox for a minute?

 

Yesterday I posted on Facebook the article about Plan B being available for people without age restriction or parental consent*, and spent time in a respectful difference of opinion with someone who does not share my views on most political issues, but whose opinion I respect and enjoy debating. Part of that exchange was how we dealt with sharing information with our parents in our youth, which made me reflect on the reality that in a few years, my oldest son is going to start thinking about sex. Constantly, if the statistics are true.

 

I know which of my friends were Adam and Eve-ing it in our late teens and early twenties, and my recollection does not include that any of them were telling their parents they were Doing It. I did not tell mine. This was not a failure on the part of my parents, who managed to raise me in a home that was moral AND liberal, informed AND tolerant. I expect that they would have responded with please don’t, but if you’re gonna anyway, protect yourself. I was put on birth control early, but did not have a contraceptive use for it for years. I did not talk to them when I made that decision for myself – partly because talking about sex with your parents is just icky. I’m 33, and I still like to pretend that they do not do that, and I am sure they are happy not to consider my activities as well.

 

I, however, was an astute girl and my father smartly bribed responsible behavior with the promise (and eventual delivery) of very impressive jewelry. So I did not need to purchase emergency contraception, although I went to high school and college with some who possibly wish it had been available to them or to their girlfriends. I am grateful that there are more options for my boys and their future partners than there were for us.

From here.

 

Because let’s get serious. I’m raising boys. And if you knew their dad in his youth, you have hit your knees and begun praying for us already. He did some pretty good Stupid Teenage Boy things, and I met him when I was a teenager, so we did plenty of Stupid Teenage People things together.

 

For his 12^th birthday, Jake got a cell phone. Not a smart phone, because his social life is not so full that he needs that yet, but a phone that allows him to text his dad and his friends, and it does permit him to access the internet. As does the tablet they have in their room. When we gave him the phone, he had to sign a contract, and one of the bullet points was that the phone could not be used to find things that he would not ask me to see. He wanted to know what kind of things were those, and I said like big boobs or naked people or people having sex. He scrunched his face and said that was the nastiest thing in the world and he would never want to see that. I told him that yes, he would, in about three years, and I would find out and we would fight about it, often, but it was one of many difficult things about becoming a teenage boy, and we would get through it.

 

The reality is that we have two boys who will be walking, talking, brooding hormones in no time. Since they have not yet responded hormonally (sexually? physically?) to girls, we stick to that our preference is that sex should wait until they are married. Pfft. Unlikely. If someone who raised children who waited until marriage would like to offer how they did that, I'm ALL ears. Once we see the signs that they are seeing girls that way, we will shift to the plea that they wait until they are older and have a serious adult relationship. More likely, but no guarantees. College? Probably. High school? Possibly, but highly discouraged.

 

That’s the truth we have to uncover our eyes and unplug our ears to see. It is our responsibility to create a safe space for them to be counseled as to what to do when they like a girl and bases one and two are not enough anymore, that their raging hormones are whispering that it’s time to sink the soldier. We cannot do what my dad did. Boys do not care about diamond earrings and we will not be able to afford expensive watches or cars (we did not get cars.) So our response will be Let me give you all the reasons you should wait, including our personal experiences and observations, which has to be delivered in a way that will not discourage them from coming back to us or continuing the conversation. God willing, our voice is louder than the hormones, and they follow our advice.

From here.

Possibly they return to us and say waiting is not an expectation they can manage. What do we do then? Ground them? Not let them go to college? Make them move home? They’re BOYS. If they get the itch, boy howdy, they are going to scratch it, which is the point when their dad will say wrap it up. Their sensible mom who always has much to say and the inability to not say it will give them a please don’t, but if you are going to anyway, here are the all ways you can and should protect yourself from diseases, pregnancy scares and shotgun weddings. We can help you get it, or you can get what you need on your own at these places. But please wait.

 

But as I have learned the past three years, the truth is the safer place, albeit the uncomfortable or painful place. If we do not talk about it at all, or we only talk about abstaining, they will get answers and help from their friends, most of whom will be as uninformed or misinformed as ours are. What can we do but provide every consequence and incentive for them to make good choices or be honest with us, and not be alarmed if they fall short? I can beat the "hold out for maturity" horse until it's dead and keep a positive outlook that they will listen. But if we leave no room in the discussion for the reality that they might not wait for marriage, we're sure to be left out of the conversation if they ignore us.

And we all know what a smashing success my s-e-x talks are.

We teach that sex is for marriage or maturity, but that did not mean sh*t to us when we were immature, so we cannot be ignorant that it might mean nothing to them. Forbid them to do it and they will come home with crabs or a plunk-plunk girlfriend in .2 seconds. Does that make them bad seeds? Nope. Does that make me a bad parent? I don't think so. I cannot ensure the ideal circumstances for my kids. I cannot make my kids perfect. I can make good choices with what I have to work with, and I can set the example for my kids for being sensible and responsible in the choices they make. 

 

So Plan B is good for these two Allbritton kids. We do not subscribe to the conservative theory that providing birth control peaks interest or encourages young adults to have sex before they are ready. I hope we are raising individuals who will listen to the wisdom of their parents and WAIT, because abstinence is guaranteed to keep your ass out of trouble.  I am okay with my sons being able to walk into a health clinic and fill up their pockets with condoms or a drugstore near campus and ask the pharmacist for Plan B if their partner cannot. If they are going to do a stupid thing, I expect them to be smart about it. And when they make a mistake or they have an accident, I hope we've made them feel safe enough to blow the whistle on themselves, to tell me or tell their dad, and we will get them what they need to make fewer mistakes and have no accidents.

 

Scientists say the brain is not fully developed until we are 25. The part of the brain that regulates risky behavior is the last to hit the finish line. Until they are 25, there is no such thing as too much contraception.

*The article I posted was NOT from Fox News, as I would never  absorb anything from Fox News unless it made my point.