The "including, but not limited to" list

Of what needs to happen at my house before I can sell it. Also known at "A post that I could not think of a song title for."

 

I've put myself on a time-out from the news. At first I was loving the stories of compassion, courage and aid that were coming about the different ways marathon participants and spectators jumped in to save lives and help the injured. Evidence that people really are capable of performing extraordinary acts of courage and kindness are always what I look for in the face of tragedy. Now that the manhunt is on for the second of the two suspects, I cannot stop thinking about his poor family, thousands of miles away in Russia, incredulous and stunned that their little boys grew up to be capable of inflicting such harm to an entire country. I always think about the parents of the perps, whose agony is comparable to the families of the victims, but we demonize them when they usually do not deserve it.

I have not had a good week, so you do not get a recap of five happy look-backs or happy look-forwards. In the hopes that saying it out loud will make me accountable to you, I am publishing this list of what needs to be repaired, removed, or addressed in order for my realtor to be willing to put a sign in my yard. This is overwhelming, but then I italicized what I actually have to do all by myself, and the green ones are in partnership with either my wasband or my mother, in the hopes that would make it seem less daunting and incarcerating, but, alas, no such luck.

 

BIG PICTURE

• Two, maybe three, more pieces need to go to storage
• Three more pieces of furniture need Craigslisting
• All of the walls and ceilings need to be washed
• The trim needs to be scrubbed with Magic Erasers and painted as necessary
• Sister needs to climb under the stairs and clean out that closet
• All the books need to be sorted and moved out
• The closets need downsizing
• The carpets need deep cleaning

LIVING/DINING ROOM

• Finish painting trim
• Cover water marks on ceiling
• Paint back of front door white
• Sand and paint French doors (GROAN on f***ing door-painting, people. That requires that every. single. window. square. gets taped off. )
• Touch up wall-paint (after washing)

KITCHEN/LAUNDRY/HALF BATH

• Replace hardware
• Scrub cabinets and appliances
• Replace toe-kick under sink
• Build around dishwasher
• Repaint ceiling
• Replace light fixture
• Cover water marks and repaint ceiling
• Replace busted vent

SUNROOM

• Replace cracked windows
• Paint back of door white
• Replace doorknob

MASTER BEDROOM/BATHROOM

• Finish replacing outlet covers
• Figure out why jets in tub no longer work
• Clean spilled wax from under six (dammit to hell)

STAIRS/UPSTAIRS HALL

• Touch up wall paint

UPSTAIRS BATH

• Replace cabinet door
• Figure out why outlet does not work

GUEST ROOM

• Clean it
• Touch up wall paint

BOYS’ BEDROOM

• Clean it
• Repair hole(s) in sheetrock
• Repair crack in paint
• Touch up paint
• Repair or replace closet door

OUTSIDE

• Hope to God that Hawthorne bush doesn’t die
• Paint porch swing
• Add plants to left side
• Paint chipped trim on roofline
• Check out gnarly siding
• Pull gate post to house
• Replace kitchen screen
• Have neighbor fix fence

We have a very elaborate, multi-tiered division of labor plan happening here. My wasband, my mother, my sister, my children, my dad and his friend with tools, tall ladders and trailers all have assignments.

This weekend I will be doing NONE of that stuff, as the boys are with their dad and I am going to Jena to squeeze on a family member in for a bi-yearly visit from another coast. Nevermind that I have had two months to finish this list. I'm going to start on Monday. I just know it.

Ah, the brown house with the blue door. The place where love
goes to die.

I can forgive a lot of sh*t. Eventually. If there is any part of this experience that I will never get over, it is that I cannot keep my house. I will travel through the internets to arrive at the home of anyone who tells me that "home is where the heart is" so I can tape your mouth shut and kick your ass. My heart is BROKEN, and although I currently own a HOUSE, I have no sense of HOME. I will, once I get the boys and me (and the dog and the cat who hates me) settled in somewhere else. I know this is common in unmarriages, and I'm not sure I could even stay there, having been LEFT there and all. But in this instance it's extra traumatic, you know, because it's happening to me.