Today we took the boys to get their yearly checkups. Corey's off this week serving as child care coordinator, so the whole fandamily got up this morning and hauled over to the doctor.
At 51 inches tall and weighing 79 pounds, Landen comes in at the 90th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for height. She told us to be careful. No more seconds on carbs and sugar, which we already don't do even though he asks at every meal. Limit the sugary beverages, which is no help since we limit those already and he drinks mostly sugar-free and reduced fat milk. We tell him he's just the size he's supposed to be and do not want to plant the seed that something is wrong with him. Behind the scenes, we're trying to make subtle changes in his food intake.
I am the Queen of Potatoes. I do not know anyone, save maybe my friend Emily Sugarpea, my potato devoted sister, who can cook a potato better than I can. I rock them. Because the Lord taketh away, the potato is a starch, not a vegetable. I want my children to love them as much as I do, so that we can enjoy a weekly potato decadence together. They are coming around. My potato skins and my wasabi mashed potatoes have hit the rotation. Tonight I made a roast beef with a horseradish crust and some bearnaise sauce. I roasted potatoes, carrots, onions and squash in herbs and olive oil. I made a piece of Texas toast for each of us.
They liked the meat. They loved the sauce. They ate the potatoes. Jake reaffirmed his distaste for cooked carrots and Corey remains the only one at the table who likes squash. Landen ate his bread FIRST, took two bites of meat and asked for more bread. No. He tried another potato. Still a win. He decided to try green squash. He tried to wash it down with Kool-Aid and then vomited all over himself and his dinner plate. Corey and Jake were done eating. Landen took off his shorts and shirt, sat back down at the table in his underwear, asked for another piece of bread and inquired as to what was for dessert. No and nothing.
Jake also comes in at 51 inches, and at 57 pounds comes in at the 10th and 10th percentiles. When we asked the pediatrician whether we should be concerned about his smallness, she said not since he is proportional. Stimulant medication delays his growth spurts, but he'll catch up. Sad. Any day now I will tell a bitch who expresses surprise to his face that Jake is the older brother that she is rude. People know better than to comment about someone's weight or their handicapped status, why is it okay for you to tell my kid how small he is?
Of particular import was the doctor's response to my pointing out a dark mole that Jake has on his back. "I don't like it," she said. "It needs to come off." I knew this. People Who Shall Remain Nameless do not always listen to me when they should, i.e. when I know what I know. I know that moles are not supposed to be oblong, asymmetrical, different colors or rough on the edges. It has not changed, but I know it is not supposed to be there. Validated and vowing to follow my instincts from now on regardless of anyone else's optimism, we are going to the dermatologist extraordinaire to Have That Removed. And probably biopsied, but I'm not telling him that.
He did gain four pounds over the summer, and the doctor says two pounds of that is hair. It is now unattractive. Cydney came over the other night and chastised me. She said it's almost mullet-ish and reminds her of an unsightly and unfortunate kid she went to high school with. I just cannot bear to make him get rid of all of it. He thinks that shit looks good, and is cool, and I want him to feel good and think he's cool for his first day at a new school. So, we're off to make a hair compromise on Saturday.
In other familial developments, BABY SISTER/AUNT CYDNEY/SISSY GRADUATES FROM LSU ON FRIDAY!!! She has busted her skinny ass to get the hell out of college, taking four classes this summer and making A's in all those sumbitches. I am so proud, and we cannot wait to celebrate her!
Also, I am starting adoption procedures on the boys. I asked them, and they both said "yes." I asked them because a) if something happens to Corey, we want them to stay with me b) if Corey runs off with Selena Gomez, I want to have rights to them c) they will not inherit from me as my step-children and I'm going to be the one left with all the money because Corey's middle-aged and d) as we approach the reality of expanding our family in the next three years, I want the boys to know that they are no less my children than the child I give birth to. Should be pretty simple - one court appearance, one home visit - at the conclusion of which Jake is hoping will be an excuse to celebrate with hibachi.
Oh, yes! I just overheard Landen on the phone explaining he did yard work today. Sort of. They keep asking for an allowance so we have agreed to that, provided they do at least one helpful chore per day. Today was sweeping out the carport. They get a dollar amount that is equal to their age. Landen came immediately inside after helping Jake sweep and asked for his eight dollars.
My boy is driven by instant gratification.
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