Bowling with my homies

If you did not pick up on that reference to one of the silliest movies ever, Clueless starring Alicia Silverstone ("Wait, I love Josh!"), you should not be here.

Last Saturday, after the boys (even the big one) had bummed around the house all week, the matriarch decided that we needed a fun outing. I needed for it to be an indoor outing, because it was 100-degrees outside at noon. Corey needed for it to be a cost-efficient-for-a-family-of-four outing, because poor guy finally got to fix the rearview mirror on his car last week. We considered Celebration Station, Chuck-E-Cheese and All-Star Bowling, and ultimately decided on lunch, bowling and arcade games at All-Star Bowling.

Forgive the poor pictures. I took all of them on my phone.

I was de-lighted to eat lunch at the bowling alley, because a couple times a year, I need cheesy nachos with soggy chips and oily cheese, and hark! They have that exact thing at the bowling alley. So, Phase One was lunch, which always ends with a staring contest in not-our-home eating establishments.

Landen says a staring contest means you don't blink, but Corey can stare into infinity, so I think Landen just uses that as his tactic for beating Corey.

Jake cannot hold a stare for a long period of time, so this contest took about as long as taking the picture did.

I had to stop taking pictures when they turned off the overhead lights, turned on the smoke and neon lights and cranked the music, which was pretty cool for a Saturday afternoon. And, the last time I was in a bowling alley, you could smoke in them. You cannot anymore, which just left my intense fear of germs to keep me from relaxing into the afternoon. I stopped counting how many times I made the boys go wash their hands. All I could think about was what one of those germ lights would show on the holes of a bowling ball. 

They put the bumpers up for the boys, but not for me. I asked.

I was not able to get a picture of Landen and Corey standing next to each other, which is hilarious to me, because Landen from the back is Corey, shrunken.

Watching both the boys bowl was extremely entertaining. Corey told them that you're supposed to back up to the end of the wood floor, walk forward and roll the ball out at the line. Jake's interpretation of this was to run forward, screech to a halt with both feet over the line, into the lane, and combo roll/throw the bowling ball.

Landen bowled like I did when I was little. He throws that sumbitch, and it literally zig-zags down the lane eating each bumper at least twice.

After Jake's ball connects with any pins, he spins around and jumps into the air. That does not capture well on a camera phone.

Landen is a fierce competitor and a terrible, terrible bowler. See above description of his launch of the bowling ball.

Once we established that we were going bowling, we were all informed by Corey that he would be housing us all, as he was a wicked good bowler. I had very low performance expectations for my own bowling skills, having last been bowling the night of my senior prom, and sucking royally at it then. But imagine my delight when the first round ended like this:

Nell - 95

Landen - 88

Jake - 87

Corey - 76

Everybody's scores were shitty, but I won, I won, I won, I won! Until I pointed out to Corey, who is left handed, that when he aimed in the center, his ball kept going left, so maybe he should aim more right. This greatly improved his score, and I take complete and total credit for my stellar coaching. I've never tried coaching bowling, but I think it could be an alternate career for me. Since I have The World's Worst Hand-Eye Coordination, I can't aim for shit. I'm also afraid of falling down, so I don't do that whole "walk up and roll the ball in one fluid movement" that Corey advocates. Punchline is I'm not being invited to a bowling league anytime soon. 

The second round came out like this. You will notice that Corey is still doing no housing. His doppelganger with the violent throw and the professional use of the bumpers was doing the housing:

Landen - 191

Nell - 177

Corey - 176

Jake - 153

We bought two hours of bowling, and that was actually ridiculous. It took us 30 minutes to bowl a set, or whateverthehell you call it when everybody bowls ten turns, and we got bored after three. The final round was the one Corey won:

Corey - 283

Nell - 279

Landen - 274

Jake - 244

We turned in our shoes and went to go waste money in the arcade. The environment was shitty for pictures, because they still had all the neon party lights raring in the theatre.

Terminator:Salvation. None of the spawn of Corey Allbritton can pass a game controller, especially if it's a gun.

Corey is, unfortunately, wicked good at air hockey.

Jake didn't weigh enough to tilt the motorcycle himself, so Corey had to help him. I had a glimpse into my future spiral into substance abuse watching Landen simulate driving a motorcycle.

A good time was had by all, even me. Jake and Landen said it was the best afternoon of their lives, even better than their days at the beach, which is exactly the way you want your kids to remember you (i.e. the Source of The Most Fun Ever) before they go off for two weeks of East Coast adventures with their grandparents.
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