Have It Your (My) Way

I have a very weird relationship with food, and it's all my mother's fault. I didn't have one of those moms who would make you eat it if you didn't want it. She made you something else. Other people reinforced this. I can remember being at daycare and eating peanut butter and grape jelly every day while the other kids ate meat and vegetables, you know, balanced meals. I don't eat onions, so my mother still strains my gravy (it's a habit) or makes me a separate casserole with no onions or peppers in it. My mother cooked two meals until I was old enough to heat up my own food if I didn't like what she was making.

I cook the same way for myself. If I make cheesy chicken spaghetti, half of it will have onions, peas and mushrooms in it. The other half won't. That's my half.

When Corey and I married, he made a point to say that he was terrified that his kids would be eaters like me, and that we weren't doing that in our home. The boys will eat what's on their plates, or they won't eat. They must take a bite of everything. If they hate it (as Landen does with most vegetables), they won't be given it again. Both of them have things they refuse to eat, and I don't serve those to them.

So the peccadillos I keep track of in my house include but are not limited to:

1. Landen and I hate onions. We hate the texture. If we bite into an onion, we can't eat any more of that food. Ever. Corey could eat onions raw. Jake doesn't mind them when they're cooked.

2. I don't eat ground meat. I will occasionally cook it. But this means that we don't eat Hamburger Helper, hamburgers, chili, spaghetti with meat or meatballs, tacos....unless I cook it with chicken, or in the case of spaghetti, someone else cooks it for us.

3. Corey doesn't like bell peppers. It's the only thing he will pick out or leave behind on a plate of food.

4. Jake doesn't like things that are mushy. He doesn't eat mashed potatoes, grits, oatmeal or anything once it's soggy. The other three people in this house could eat mashed potatoes every day.

5. If you asked them, both boys would say they don't like potatoes. Then you get to make them feel like big jerks by reminding them how much they love chips and french fries and tater tots and hash browns.....all POTATOES!

6. They will eat macaroni and cheese, but not shells and cheese. The concept of a food with the same ingredients being cooked in different shapes and tasting the same is unfathomable to them.

7. Corey loves vegetables - cooked or raw - and salads. I hate vegetables - all cooked, most raw - and I love salads. Jake loves some vegetables - cooked, no raw - and loves salads. Landen does not eat a salad or a vegetable.

8. Jake has it in his head that whole milk is the only real milk. We give him whole milk because he needs the extra calories. Whole milk is 3% milkfat. The rest of us drink 2% milkfat. In the rare instance when we're out of whole milk, you would think that the difference between "his" milk and "our" milk is like milk and apple juice.

9. 75% of the people in this house do not like pulp in their orange juice. Majority rules.

10. We can never run out of ketchup. As in, calamity reigns if we are caught without ketchup here.

I plan my meals for the week on Saturdays. I grocery shop at two different stores on Sundays. I have no idea what in the shit I am going to do when I will do this every week. Shit's going to get a whole lot less organized.
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