Here you come again....

I can't believe it's been a f*#%ing month since I posted anything on here. I have no idea what I've been doing.

I bought a house.

I started a new job.

The boys went back to school.

Corey stayed in Iraq.

I am packing.

I am reminded that my exercise bike I was so proud to purchase sits lonelily (it's a song) upstairs, abandoned long before this blog was. I don't have time for everything.

As I write this, Corey Daniel is in transit, on his way home for fifteen days with us. The fifteen days begins when he lands here, not when he left Iraq. I have no idea when he will be here. I spoke to him Sunday at 10:30 AM, and not since then. He was supposed to leave Iraq around 8 AM our time Monday, and as far as I know, that happened. He would try to call when he got to Kuwait, but he wasn't able to do that last time. He'll definitely call when he gets to the stop after Kuwait, and let me know when he needs to be greeted at the Baton Rouge airport.

Jake and Landen have been having some trouble at school - they're not focusing, not performing as high as they typically do and having moments of uncooperativeness. Their school is great and their teachers are putting in extra effort to get them over this hump. Parent-teacher conferences have already been scheduled with their dad. I think school starting back made them nostalgic for their mom and they've been without a parent for waaaay too long.

I'm a little nervous about R&R. The boys and I have been alone in our house for four months. I've established an independent relationship with each of them. We have a way that we operate in our little family of three with me as head of the house. It's going to be interesting to see whether we all fall back into our former roles when Corey is here or he feels left out. We've had to make lots of adjustments to our schedule, our rules, what we expect of each other....the boys have gotten more independent as individuals.

They pick out their own clothes. They get themselves into and out of the shower and are on autopilot for everything in between. They learned to swim. They no longer use booster seats in the car. They drink milk or juice before they brush their teeth and get in bed. They tell me they hate me. They beat their heads into walls. They like girls. They love the Jonas brothers. They want to be Harry Potter but they used to want to be Jedi.

I have always had a great relationship with the boys. Then their dad deployed and their mom went to heaven and for right now they are mine and we have gotten attached.

When soldiers come home for good, there is a big emphasis placed on reintegrating into the family. They don't do that for R&R and very damn little about the Allbritton household is what it was when he left here after the funeral in April. What if, once the fog of excitement to be back together lifts, we are strangers to him, and him to us?

Anxious with. Anxious without. FML.

I'm sure none of this will matter when we see each other...when the boys get to hug their daddy, their remaining true parent, for the first time in more than four months. And I get to hold my husband and know he's safe and present for us.

Right now he's out there floating around the planet, trying to get home to us.

Don't hold me to taking pictures.

....