Swim. Swam. Have swum. Say that in Spanish.

In the month that I've been taking the boys to the pool, we've made some huge strides in growing our aquatic abilities. They once would not leave the shallow end, the "three feet." Now they swim underwater, do flips, hold on to me while I swim all around the deep end, and even use the edge to swim out to the ladder at 5 1/2 feet, and use the ladder to touch the bottom.

I should mention that they will only do these things in full goggles and sometimes a snorkle.

They tell me what good swimmers they are. I assure them with lots of enthusiasm that they've gotten very good at not drowning. Although Jake did try to follow me out to the deep end without telling me and I had to lunge at him and pull him up from under water. He didn't leave the three feet for the rest of the weekend.

They start swimming lessons in a couple weeks and I am convinced they are going to be way above the other kids in their age group. I haven't yet told them you can't take the goggles and snorkles to swim lessons.

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Little water in the nose. Forgot to put on the goggles.

Jake goes nowhere without this water gun.

Landen can (kinda) do a handstand.

Dad, this is for you. This rocks!

Jake's goggles are actually too big for his face, so if he doesn't smush them on well, he'll get water in them.

Tonight there was a big family in the pool, and one of the little boys was playing with Jake and Landen. Before long, Landen came over and said that boy called him a "difficult nerd." I told him to tell the boy he wasn't playing with namecallers and to please leave him alone. I'm certain that's not what Landen said, because I heard him say "Ooh, I'm going to tell my stepmom you said that." Then he came over and told me the boy called him stupid, and for me to go and punch him in the face.

I explained to Landen that the police would come and take me away if I gave that kid the smacking he deserved, and to stay away from the kid. Landen told me he was mad at me because I wouldn't punch the kid like his dad would (he wouldn't) and went back in the water. A few minutes later, he stomped out of the water and came over to tell me that the kid had called him a "stupid asshole."

Well, shit. Now I have to be confrontational.

I went over to a woman sitting with the group and asked who that particular child belonged to. A man identified himself as his uncle. The conversation went like this:

Me: Your nephew just called my son a stupid asshole.

Uncle to nephew: Espanol, espanol, espanol.....Is this true?

Shithead kid: Yes, but...........he was telling me tricks.

Uncle to me: Did you hear that?

Me: Excuse me. Did my son call you a curseword?

Shithead kid: No, but.......

Uncle to nephew: Espanol, espanol, espanol, angry espanol...

Uncle to me: I'll take care of it.

Me: Thank you.

I am Landen's hero.

.....