When the day is done, my mama's still my biggest fan

I have a tremendous mama, and I have beautiful memories of her. Every Saturday, she would lovingly mix some ranch dip mix with some sour cream, make rolls of deli turkey and spread some Ruffles on a Coors Light tray and present Cydney and me with lunch. When we went to the water park at Disney, she hesitantly agreed to take me on a slide. I will never forget her coming down the bottom of that fast-ass slide, on her back with her legs making a Y in the air, and I still laugh uncontrollably when I think about it. She took us to see The Birdcage when Cydney was nine. She taught us how to pock eggs. She used to burp the alphabet. She would channel Christie Brinkley to dance to "Uptown Girl" with wild abandon around our living room.

When I was in the 6th grade, I wanted to make my own clothes. I don't know how many trapeze-dress-biking-short ensembles she helped me make. In fourth grade, we permed our hair together and cried for two hours together when we got home, and the idea to buy headbands in every color to disguise our poor judgment was hers. She impressed the importance of red nail polish on me at a young age. She was Santa Claus until I was 27. She refuses to follow a recipe, which means no one can make anything that tastes like hers. She never made me eat vegetables. She suffered through Cydney's teenage years. She snuck into our rooms to put Vaseline on our chapped lips while we slept. She puts layers of crap on her face at night and she has a beautiful complexion to show for it. She only kisses with the side of her mouth. She eats gumbo for breakfast. She stocks her pantry with the boys' favorite snacks before we come for a visit.

Join me for a tour of my mother's hairdos.

That's me.

And me, and some stylish pillowcases. What was it with the eighties and the mustard yellow or baby shit green?

Christmas morning.

Shockingly, this is not even the perm that caused the tears. This was my first communion, second grade.

That's Cydney.

This may be the only picture we have of little Cydney in a bathing suit. Any beach was a nude beach to that baby girl.

We struggled with Cydney's hair. My mom probably still has those earrings in her jewelry box. She doesn't throw shit away.

Bangs.

This was in Alex.

This is my Jena shower.

Thank you Mama for 30 years of funny, tradition and support. You're the best Mom.

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