To carry on

The month of April was too emotional for me to do much blogging. It would’ve been emotional, nonsensical rambling, not the witty, amusing cataloguing of Life as an Allbritton to which we've all become accustomed.

Yeah, so…Friday Corey went back to Iraq. I’ll start there. It’s the most recent in a slew of Completely Shitty Things that have happened lately. (Boofrigginghoo, right?) I’ve asked God for a special treat for his commanders for letting him come home and be with his children through the death and the funeral of their mother. He was of the most help and comfort during that time for me as well, and they gave him to us for two whole weeks. I think having him here for the boys gave Erin some consolation as well.

Let me just say that the things that Corey and I strongly dislike about each other's habits but tolerate because we are committed to each other and our family are still very present, despite distance and absence and joyful reunions. I still, for example, hate the way he does laundry. He's probably very happy to be somewhere where he doesn't have to hear me say that for several months. We are a damn good team when we're on the same goal, which is most of the time, but MAN ALIVE are we UGLY when we turn on each other. We got in our Biggest Fight To Date the night before he left, which I think may be pretty typical for two people dealing with the fear and anxiety we're confronting. We don't go to bed angry though, and it was nothing a couple frozen ice cream treats from CVS and some Will and Grace laughter couldn't salvage.

Mitch Landrieu will be sworn in as the Mayor of New Orleans at 10 AM on Monday morning, thus ending his term as Lieutenant Governor and my boss. The interim Lt. Governor who has been named until October has a great reputation and has said he doesn't intend to make staffing changes, which bodes well for the three of us left in the Office of the Lt. Governor. It's so unnerving to work for someone who values you and regards you as highly competent and then remain for the "changing of the guard," as my coworker puts it. This means your new boss has NO opinion of you. He definitely doesn't know that you're competent and committed and a true asset to him, and it takes time for him to figure these things out, which he hopefully will. A substantial amount of my work was for Mitch or my Chief of Staff, so I have no idea whether or to what degree my new boss will use me. I am going to some of the inaugural festivities in New Orleans on Monday, so I will get to bid farewell to many of my comrades. I've had enough saying good-bye in the last few weeks to last several lifetimes!

Erin died one week and one day ago. It's so fresh to me, and compared to the scores of people joining me in my grieving, I barely knew her. Erin's closest circle of friends had been friends for years and years. She was extremely close to her parents and sister and her nieces. I feel my hurt that she's gone, and then I think about the emptiness so many other people are feeling, and I hurt for them. Nobody will ever love Jake and Landen like she did, and it's unbearable that they've lost that devotion. Not that their dad isn't 163% devoted to them, or that I don't love them like they're my own. But the depths of a mother's love are sacred and mysterious, and the only person who had that for those boys is in heaven now. Forever their angel. The boys are with their grandparents this week. I know they all need the time together, and I hope Jake and Landen can bring a little sunshine to Pam and Ronnie during a very dark time for them. I miss my boys though! The boys see their counselor tomorrow afternoon, and I'm positive she's going to report that the boys are doing fine, and the rest of us are the effing messes.

I'm digging through the wealth of wisdom handed down from ten years of therapists to find the resources I need to get us back on track. (One day I'm going to devote an entire post to my misadventures of therapy. I once became a patient of a woman because I just knew she would be like Barbra in Prince of Tides.) In the morning, before I get out of bed, I identify what I am presented with that day. Then I decide what I can do something about, and work on those. I almost have my laundry under control. There are clothes in the wash, clothes in the dryer, and a dirty set of sheets on deck, and then I'm done. The kitchen is clean. The sheets on my bed are clean, and I got new pillows! I'm going to do some Little Green Machine spot treatment this evening. I also got a lot of sleep this weekend, saw Date Night (mediocre) and bought myself some new sparkly earrings to wear to the inauguration gala and a stunning serpent bracelet, just because. I've also given myself permission to hire someone to clean my house. It's something I really feel like it will help me to outsource.

Life goes on, even when we don't want it to, or when we feel a little guilty about it. I've got a husband overseas who is depending on me to care for his children, his home and his family while he's gone. I made a promise to my friend that I would keep her children healthy and happy if she wasn't going to live to do it. I have to produce and respond for my new boss so I can continue to experience career growth. And we're throwing Jake a birthday celebration in two weeks. He's turning 9! Party on.

I took this picture last week while Corey was playing Xbox with the boys.

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