#1 This will only make sense to you if you watch the show. She has yet to slap Mady upside the head or beat her senseless on camera, and that child deserves them both simultaneously. She's just the most horrid child. The excuse is that she has periods of resentment that she has so many younger siblings who get so much attention. Boofuckinghoo. That would not fly in any house I've lived in, whether I'm the parented or the parent. She screams and goes psychotically disagreeable and shows her ass, and that, as my father always threatened, should get a knot jerked in her ass. If the show was called Nell and Corey + 3 and she was the third, she would be slapped and kicked at the same time, and it would be captured on camera. Bear in mind, I don't slap and/or kick my own children, but they don't act like her.
#2 She's organic. She recycles. She moved her house green as much as she can. With eight children. Now, I could say that I am totally capable of recycling and being organic and green if I was a stay-at-home mother. Hell, I should be able to do it with two kids, part time. Yeah, I'm not. No delusions here. No kids, two kids, eight kids--makes no difference. Job, no job--still ain't hap'nin. Why? Because the Chimes doesn't make organic cheese fries and if you separate your garbage into recycle bins, you still have to TAKE it somewhere. Nobody is coming to haul that off for you like they do your regular ole' garbage. I use a counter cleaner that says "green" on it, and I use dye and fragrance free detergent. I turn the lights off when I'm not using them, and I only wash mine and Corey's clothes when we run out of underwear. I conserve.
#3 She's clearly a marketing genius. I regularly remind Corey that we're going to have to put two children through college, and at least that expense we will share with their mother. We plan to have one that we are responsible for our ownselves. I think we're funny and people would be entertained by us on TV. She went and made those kids a commodity and now they're going to pay for their own college education! They started paying for it at birth.
#4 She's always sober. We've seen her have a glass of wine, but never at home. With eight kids. That's eight bartenders. Teach them a trade and make the whole experience jolly, is all I'm saying.
#5 She's still married, which means that whatever she's throwing down on Jon is some Grade-A business, because I'm quite sure that if I ever yelled at Corey in the Toys R Us like she did to Jon, I'd be left in the parking lot and my sister would need to come fetch me. So somehow, she gets him to stick around and suffer/love eight children with her, and it's not because she's a doll or has cute hair. Woman's gotta have some TALENT.
#6 They've never had to bleep her. If my washing machine ever floods my laundry room, you will hear me say "motherf***er." She's never told a child that she's sick of their shit or asked them what the hell they're thinking or told them they're about to get an ass-whipping, all of which my children have in their future. When all eight of them got the flu over a two week period and she had to set up pallettes with potties and vomit pans on the floor in her laundry room, she didn't tell America to f*** her life.
#7 Most important of all is that her children grow up to be good people with kind hearts.
I know it's TV's job to make having eight children under the age of 8 an easy-breezy blasty blast, but seriously, she has some flaws and people have some very horrible things to say about her, but nobody could ever say that she doesn't love her family, and her kids will never think she regretted having eight of them. If you're watching the Gosselins, the story isn't about how hard it is, it's that it doesn't matter how hard it is. However many there are, it's a privilege.
Y'all know Corey had a good time in his youth, and God bless us all, Landen is at five like Corey was at 15. I make fun of Corey, but when the shit hits the fan, Corey won't be going it alone. Landen regularly gives us a reason to dread his teenage years. I don't know what movie they were watching this weekend that prompted this, but Jake came out with all the skinny sweetness in the world and declared that he would have 50 children. I asked him how old he would like to be when he started having all these children to raise, and he said "twenty-five." Thank you Jesus for that smart and appropriate boy. I think he got a high five from his dad on that.
Never one to be outdone, Landen says that he is going to have 100 children. I asked HIM what age he will begin bringing home all these babies, and he said "sixteen."
Kate Gosselin, help us.
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