I love these cartoons this one artist does. If I could draw, I would say shit like this.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
25 Random Things About the Mrs.
On Facebook, there's a note going around (think like The Wave in a baseball stadium) where you post 25 random things for all you nearest and dearest Facebook friends to find out about your. Here's mine. The Mr.'s will be posted as soon as he finishes it.
1. I love paperwork, and I have a job that requires plenty of it, which makes me very happy. I like filling out forms at the doctor’s office, order forms, surveys, authorizations, reimbursements and applications. There is no limbo in paperwork. Fill it out. Turn it in. Done.
2. I pretend I’m allergic to onions, but I really just hate them. I like the flavor, but hate the texture. I cook with them, but either the pieces are so big I could never eat one by mistake, or I make them pulp in the food processor.
3. 2008 was the best year—I got a promotion, and a raise, and had the most beautiful wedding where everyone was happy and I got to marry the person meant for me. Our story is amazing, and so are the two stepsons I got in the deal.
4. I am a much better parent than I thought I could be, and I enjoy it more than I thought I would. What girl could go from being single and living alone with a cat to being married with two little boys to care for and not hesitate? I delight in it all, completely. They are so inventive and funny. Landen has the most entertaining pronunciations for words like avocado (habocado), vanilla (vamilla) and rosemary (roseberry). Jake can sing any song he’s heard a few times, but he pretends that he can’t if you put him on the spot. I love hearing Jake’s sweet voice say “good” if I ask him how he’s doing, or watching Landen run (he is ¾ torso and ¼ legs, genetics.) I love how much they make me love their father—a man who loves his children so much could never be a bad husband.
5. I love my cat more than anything else, and everyone knows it. Lily is no ordinary cat—she speaks in complete sentences, responds to threat and bribery, suffers from acne and obsessive-compulsive disorder (both diagnosed, I didn’t make this up), plays fetch, carries a doll around in her mouth, has a mood nose that will tell you if she’s frisky or sleepy and anywhere in between, demands that someone be out of the bed with her by 10 AM on Saturdays, gets excited when you show her a hairbrush, loves men, her CeeCee and her granny, and hates her brothers. As long as she’s alive, I can never have another pet. She would never forgive me. And I want her ashes buried with me when I die.
6. I have a storage unit for decorative items and appliances I cannot fit in my apartment, but refuse to get rid of. When we buy a house and establish a guest room, I could say “wow, it sure would be nice to have a TV in here for my mama to watch when she comes stay this weekend.” But wait! I have one in storage!
7. I have baby fever, but I’m not doing anything about it. Yet. Deployment first, then baby. I want to experience all of it with my husband, not alone.
8. My boss thinks I waste my talent. He thinks I should be in Research and Policy. I have explained to him that just because a person is good at something doesn’t mean it’s what they want to spend all their time doing. I like administration and organizational development—making sure an office is set up with and efficient structure and making it work like we want it.
9. We steal money from our kids. But it’s ours anyway. They find it and hoard it, and we take it back when we need change for a Coke or a dollar for the tooth fairy. They have no concept of money, but I’m not deluded enough to think I can get by with this forever.
10. Kate Gosselin is my hero. I NEVER want to be her, but she inspires me to do just as good a job with two as she does with eight.
11. I miss DC. I’m happy to be home, and if I were still in DC, I would not be in love with and married to Corey or have Jake and Landen or be present for my family. There are conveniences of metropolitan living that you can’t get down here, like: constant Broadway tours, bus rides to NYC, late night Chinese delivery, SNOW, office happy hours, being one of the cities where movies selectively show, better shopping, Benihana, and the awe of driving by the Capitol everyday and thinking “holy shit! I live here!”
12. I get up every Saturday morning and move to the couch. Sometimes I go back to sleep, sometimes I lay there and watch TV that none of the boys in my house will tolerate. There’s just something about that hour that I pretend I’m alone that allows me to find so much joy in every hour that I’m not.
13. Hobby Lobby, TJ Maxx and Target are my three favorite consumer-oriented places on Earth. Hobby Lobby I prefer from 7-8 PM, before closing, but never go unless you’ve checked the sale paper first. Target I like on Saturday nights after we’ve taken the boys to dinner. And I love their groceries, but it shoots my grocery budget out of the park to do all my shopping there. TJ Maxx is a crap shoot. Go as much as you can, all the time, and you’ll find lots of good stuff.
14. My wedding colors were the colors of mallowcreme pumpkins—you know the ones that they have at Halloween that taste like candy corn? It was just serendipity that those two colors of orange and green were put together, but my mama and I love those damn candies, so it worked.
15. I cry in scary movies. The things-jumping-out-of-every-corner, when-will-this-nightmare-end creates serious anxiety in me, and I always get moist eyes. But there are few things I love more than slasher movies in theaters.
16. I’m going to drag Corey to dance lessons. We were going to do it before the wedding, but we ran out of time. He needs confidence in his steps and I need to learn to follow, so we should take lessons, right? We’ll probably develop crazy dance talents and win competitions and shit.
17. I often look at Corey Allbritton and ask him if that’s really him. I am still in awe that after six years out of touch, we found each other again. Corey tells me that I am his magnetic north, which is apparently more official than true north. We grew so far apart, and went through so many polarizing experiences, but within minutes of sitting down to lunch at a Chinese restaurant in Plaquemine, we connected like we’d never been apart. Learning each other again constantly reminds me that I feel the same way about him now that I did when I was in high school, only now we are equals, and above all, good for each other.
18. I’m having a really hard time changing my name. Primarily because it involves running lots of errands, which I really hate to do, and I have to get at least two new pictures taken. I also identify myself as a Wilson, so not being a Wilson anymore feels like I’m erasing my identity. And, I just can’t get the name to roll off my tongue, and I forget to use it when I introduce myself to people. I’m committed to tradition, in this case, so the change continues.
19. I hate the way Corey does laundry and he hates how I do dishes. He completely washes dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher, and I just rinse them off and let the machine do the heavy work. Corey dries everything, and I hang almost everything I wear to dry. And he forgets and leaves loads in the washer until we have to re-wash it, or in the dryer, in which case I won’t notice it until I go to move a load from the washer to the dryer.
20. I started a blog, because it’s a creative outlet, and because Corey and I are not great at keeping in touch with our families and friends. We get so wrapped up in each other, the kids, our jobs, my school, our house, our mothers, my sister, that we don’t look past our little universe enough. I don’t post every day, and I don’t do it at work. People tell me they read it and like it, so I’ll keep doing it.
21. I do not enjoy buying shoes. I have big feet, and they’re sort of hand-like, so I always prefer to be barefoot. I used to wear heels when I was in DC, but they’re all in a box under my desk now. I stick to flats and for special occasions or particular outfits, kitten heels. I buy ballet flats in every color from Old Navy and the Gap. I have some fancy shoes that I wear with suits and skirts, all flat. On Saturdays and Sundays, I’m either in flip flops or the All-Stars Corey let me custom design. My mother and sister both love shoes. I’m like my dad, I guess. I own the shoes I need, and that’s about it.
22. I hoard purses. I love purses. What I cheap on in shoes I make up for in purses and wallets. I can’t tell you the last time I got rid of a purse.
23. At work, I over-organize. I file shit and can’t find what I did with it. People will come looking for something I’ll swear I don’t have, but I do, tucked or stacked or filed away.
24. I am of the opinion that central air conditioning is overrated. Give me a house full of humming, cold-air blowing window units and I’m a delight. They’re damn ugly, but cheaper to use, cool more consistently and make that wonderful noise you can fall into a deep sleep to.
25. We threw away the top of our cake. I know there’s a big tradition about wrapping the cake in 14 different materials so that it doesn’t suffer any freezer burn during the year it’s in the freezer before you take it out and eat it on your one year anniversary. My friend Kiyana will be so horrified that I did not save this, even more than she was that I didn’t save my bouquet. I tossed the original, and her daughter caught it. The damn cake stayed in the fridge for two months, before I finally said f*** it, I have the husband, I won’t cry for the cake. And I tossed the bitch. And kissed the husband.
1. I love paperwork, and I have a job that requires plenty of it, which makes me very happy. I like filling out forms at the doctor’s office, order forms, surveys, authorizations, reimbursements and applications. There is no limbo in paperwork. Fill it out. Turn it in. Done.
2. I pretend I’m allergic to onions, but I really just hate them. I like the flavor, but hate the texture. I cook with them, but either the pieces are so big I could never eat one by mistake, or I make them pulp in the food processor.
3. 2008 was the best year—I got a promotion, and a raise, and had the most beautiful wedding where everyone was happy and I got to marry the person meant for me. Our story is amazing, and so are the two stepsons I got in the deal.
4. I am a much better parent than I thought I could be, and I enjoy it more than I thought I would. What girl could go from being single and living alone with a cat to being married with two little boys to care for and not hesitate? I delight in it all, completely. They are so inventive and funny. Landen has the most entertaining pronunciations for words like avocado (habocado), vanilla (vamilla) and rosemary (roseberry). Jake can sing any song he’s heard a few times, but he pretends that he can’t if you put him on the spot. I love hearing Jake’s sweet voice say “good” if I ask him how he’s doing, or watching Landen run (he is ¾ torso and ¼ legs, genetics.) I love how much they make me love their father—a man who loves his children so much could never be a bad husband.
5. I love my cat more than anything else, and everyone knows it. Lily is no ordinary cat—she speaks in complete sentences, responds to threat and bribery, suffers from acne and obsessive-compulsive disorder (both diagnosed, I didn’t make this up), plays fetch, carries a doll around in her mouth, has a mood nose that will tell you if she’s frisky or sleepy and anywhere in between, demands that someone be out of the bed with her by 10 AM on Saturdays, gets excited when you show her a hairbrush, loves men, her CeeCee and her granny, and hates her brothers. As long as she’s alive, I can never have another pet. She would never forgive me. And I want her ashes buried with me when I die.
6. I have a storage unit for decorative items and appliances I cannot fit in my apartment, but refuse to get rid of. When we buy a house and establish a guest room, I could say “wow, it sure would be nice to have a TV in here for my mama to watch when she comes stay this weekend.” But wait! I have one in storage!
7. I have baby fever, but I’m not doing anything about it. Yet. Deployment first, then baby. I want to experience all of it with my husband, not alone.
8. My boss thinks I waste my talent. He thinks I should be in Research and Policy. I have explained to him that just because a person is good at something doesn’t mean it’s what they want to spend all their time doing. I like administration and organizational development—making sure an office is set up with and efficient structure and making it work like we want it.
9. We steal money from our kids. But it’s ours anyway. They find it and hoard it, and we take it back when we need change for a Coke or a dollar for the tooth fairy. They have no concept of money, but I’m not deluded enough to think I can get by with this forever.
10. Kate Gosselin is my hero. I NEVER want to be her, but she inspires me to do just as good a job with two as she does with eight.
11. I miss DC. I’m happy to be home, and if I were still in DC, I would not be in love with and married to Corey or have Jake and Landen or be present for my family. There are conveniences of metropolitan living that you can’t get down here, like: constant Broadway tours, bus rides to NYC, late night Chinese delivery, SNOW, office happy hours, being one of the cities where movies selectively show, better shopping, Benihana, and the awe of driving by the Capitol everyday and thinking “holy shit! I live here!”
12. I get up every Saturday morning and move to the couch. Sometimes I go back to sleep, sometimes I lay there and watch TV that none of the boys in my house will tolerate. There’s just something about that hour that I pretend I’m alone that allows me to find so much joy in every hour that I’m not.
13. Hobby Lobby, TJ Maxx and Target are my three favorite consumer-oriented places on Earth. Hobby Lobby I prefer from 7-8 PM, before closing, but never go unless you’ve checked the sale paper first. Target I like on Saturday nights after we’ve taken the boys to dinner. And I love their groceries, but it shoots my grocery budget out of the park to do all my shopping there. TJ Maxx is a crap shoot. Go as much as you can, all the time, and you’ll find lots of good stuff.
14. My wedding colors were the colors of mallowcreme pumpkins—you know the ones that they have at Halloween that taste like candy corn? It was just serendipity that those two colors of orange and green were put together, but my mama and I love those damn candies, so it worked.
15. I cry in scary movies. The things-jumping-out-of-every-corner, when-will-this-nightmare-end creates serious anxiety in me, and I always get moist eyes. But there are few things I love more than slasher movies in theaters.
16. I’m going to drag Corey to dance lessons. We were going to do it before the wedding, but we ran out of time. He needs confidence in his steps and I need to learn to follow, so we should take lessons, right? We’ll probably develop crazy dance talents and win competitions and shit.
17. I often look at Corey Allbritton and ask him if that’s really him. I am still in awe that after six years out of touch, we found each other again. Corey tells me that I am his magnetic north, which is apparently more official than true north. We grew so far apart, and went through so many polarizing experiences, but within minutes of sitting down to lunch at a Chinese restaurant in Plaquemine, we connected like we’d never been apart. Learning each other again constantly reminds me that I feel the same way about him now that I did when I was in high school, only now we are equals, and above all, good for each other.
18. I’m having a really hard time changing my name. Primarily because it involves running lots of errands, which I really hate to do, and I have to get at least two new pictures taken. I also identify myself as a Wilson, so not being a Wilson anymore feels like I’m erasing my identity. And, I just can’t get the name to roll off my tongue, and I forget to use it when I introduce myself to people. I’m committed to tradition, in this case, so the change continues.
19. I hate the way Corey does laundry and he hates how I do dishes. He completely washes dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher, and I just rinse them off and let the machine do the heavy work. Corey dries everything, and I hang almost everything I wear to dry. And he forgets and leaves loads in the washer until we have to re-wash it, or in the dryer, in which case I won’t notice it until I go to move a load from the washer to the dryer.
20. I started a blog, because it’s a creative outlet, and because Corey and I are not great at keeping in touch with our families and friends. We get so wrapped up in each other, the kids, our jobs, my school, our house, our mothers, my sister, that we don’t look past our little universe enough. I don’t post every day, and I don’t do it at work. People tell me they read it and like it, so I’ll keep doing it.
21. I do not enjoy buying shoes. I have big feet, and they’re sort of hand-like, so I always prefer to be barefoot. I used to wear heels when I was in DC, but they’re all in a box under my desk now. I stick to flats and for special occasions or particular outfits, kitten heels. I buy ballet flats in every color from Old Navy and the Gap. I have some fancy shoes that I wear with suits and skirts, all flat. On Saturdays and Sundays, I’m either in flip flops or the All-Stars Corey let me custom design. My mother and sister both love shoes. I’m like my dad, I guess. I own the shoes I need, and that’s about it.
22. I hoard purses. I love purses. What I cheap on in shoes I make up for in purses and wallets. I can’t tell you the last time I got rid of a purse.
23. At work, I over-organize. I file shit and can’t find what I did with it. People will come looking for something I’ll swear I don’t have, but I do, tucked or stacked or filed away.
24. I am of the opinion that central air conditioning is overrated. Give me a house full of humming, cold-air blowing window units and I’m a delight. They’re damn ugly, but cheaper to use, cool more consistently and make that wonderful noise you can fall into a deep sleep to.
25. We threw away the top of our cake. I know there’s a big tradition about wrapping the cake in 14 different materials so that it doesn’t suffer any freezer burn during the year it’s in the freezer before you take it out and eat it on your one year anniversary. My friend Kiyana will be so horrified that I did not save this, even more than she was that I didn’t save my bouquet. I tossed the original, and her daughter caught it. The damn cake stayed in the fridge for two months, before I finally said f*** it, I have the husband, I won’t cry for the cake. And I tossed the bitch. And kissed the husband.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I Enjoy(ed) Being a Girl
Since I have kids now, I buy a lot of kids' stuff. Well, I buy the clothes and Corey buys the toys. But I know all the toys--how to work them, what they do, where they come from. Once I tried to introduce Cydney Wilson to all the alien figures we have from Ben 10 and Ben 10: Alien Force. She was not a focused audience. At some point she stopped me to ask what kids of intellectual things I don't have room for in my brain since I know who all the aliens are and what makes them special.
A note about kids' clothes: THEY'RE SO CHEAP! Jake and Landen are still in 5T and XS shirts, and pants. I dread when I need a particular garment or some seasonal items because I know I'm about to spend so much I'll be paying it off for three months, but when THEY need something, it's like $10! I have noticed, though, that there is a substantial difference between the price of a shirt in a 5T and the price of the same shirt in XS. And Jake is more limbs than body, so he can't really rock the 5T anymore. I now realize that this is why the size of my Christmas loot diminished as the years went on--big kid toys are expensive.
Which brings me to the point of this--I am regularly reminded of the shit that I loved to play with when I was a kid, and I am also painfully aware how LAME that same stuff would be to kids now. Except Star Wars, which is timeless. So, I would like to petition the universe to make the following cool for the new generation, and where noted, for me as an adult.
1. Colored tights. Jake and Landen would have no use for this, but Adult Nell would. Every little girl had this outfit: red and white checked dress, bright red tights, black patent Mary Janes. I would like to bring back the bright tights as part of the whole ensemble. I know they make colored tights, but they're for punk chicks and pre-teens. I would like for colored tights to be fashionable office attire, universally.
2. Smurfs. And Rainbow Brite. Our boys watch cartoons that are so much more mature than when we were little--they make inuendos that only adults would notice. I would like to put Sponge Bob through the mean shredder at my office (the Gobbler) and never hear his name mentioned again. Papa Smurf and Gargamel--I could never tire of their shenanigans. Stupid Johnny Test and his talking dogs and his twin sisters who rule the science lab--ick. I wanted to be Rainbow Brite--friends with a sprite, living in rainbowland ruling all the colors of the Earth upon Starlite, my steed, and foiling Murky and Lurky's plans to rain gray on the world. There were boys on that show--who didn't crush on Red Butler? Don't get me started on the profundity of the Care Bear Stare.
3. Bicycles. I *think* Jake and Landen have bicycles at their grandparents', but they don't ride them. In our apartment in the city, we have no where to store bicycles and couldn't let them go far for fear of being run over in the parking lot or stolen. I used to ride my bike EVERYWHERE, all over the neighborhood, all over Jena, no supervision required. I'm sad that my kids are growing up in an urban area where they will never understand the freedom of a 10-speed.
4. Lite-brite. Corey and I scanned stores at Christmas looking for a Lite-Brite for the boys, and could not find one. They love to turn off the lights and run the battery down on their lightsaber that illuminates. They love to draw and the biggest hit of Christmas was the giant tin of Tinker Toys. Is a Lite-Brite not an absolute necessity for these two?
5. Holograms. I want everything to be hologrammed. Coke cans, blackberries, playing cards, t-shirts. I think it would make everything we bore our eyes with on a daily basis such a better visual experience--look at it from this direction, and it's one thing. Tilt it, or move your head, and it's something different!
6. I would say little green army men, but a several Christmases ago, my Uncle Joe wrote in his annual Christmas Letter a story about how my dad played for hours a day with just a bag of little green men, up until the age of 14. So that Christmas, he actually BOUGHT my dad a bag of those little green men. We've had them at my parent's house, and Jake and Landen thought they were the perfect complement to the uber set of Lincoln Logs they got from the Great Ones, so it's the gift that keeps on giving. I've yet to see them in toy stores, but you can find them at just about any drug store.
7. Easy bake ovens. Actually, this is just nostalgia. I think they still make these, but I would never buy one for the boys. They would put their toys in it. And I learned long ago that the best use for as Easy Bake Oven is as a tabletop on which to eat the Easy Bake Batter, which never made it into my own personal oven. It went directly into my mouth.
8. Fruity Marshmallow Rice Krispies. They stopped making it when I was in junior high, and I have never fully recovered. I think about that cereal every time I eat cereal. My favorite cereal in the entire world, and I would love, love, love if I could sit down with Jake and Landen on Saturday mornings, and eat this.
9. Swimming lessons. It's such a HASSLE when you want your kids to be extracurricular in the city, in a custody arrangement. Every summer, my mama hauled me to the Y in Alexandria for some swim lessons. Good thing that Cydney Wilson is a swim instructor, but it's still not the same experience as being in a swim-lesson class.
10. Chip and dip. Apparently, the rest of the world does not consider this a meal the way we did at the Wilson household. We got ranch dip that you make with the powder mix and sour cream, Ruffles, rolled-up pieces of turkey and occasionally, we'd tolerate a carrot. On special occasions, we'd have nachos made with Velveeta, or pizza sauce with pepperonis, but mostly, we had ranch dip. Every Saturday. On a big platter in front of the TV. I feel certain that if I put this down in front of Jake and Landen and tried to pass it as a meal, they'd ask where the chicken or the french fries were.
I'm going to try it. And I'll report back on how it turns out.
A note about kids' clothes: THEY'RE SO CHEAP! Jake and Landen are still in 5T and XS shirts, and pants. I dread when I need a particular garment or some seasonal items because I know I'm about to spend so much I'll be paying it off for three months, but when THEY need something, it's like $10! I have noticed, though, that there is a substantial difference between the price of a shirt in a 5T and the price of the same shirt in XS. And Jake is more limbs than body, so he can't really rock the 5T anymore. I now realize that this is why the size of my Christmas loot diminished as the years went on--big kid toys are expensive.
Which brings me to the point of this--I am regularly reminded of the shit that I loved to play with when I was a kid, and I am also painfully aware how LAME that same stuff would be to kids now. Except Star Wars, which is timeless. So, I would like to petition the universe to make the following cool for the new generation, and where noted, for me as an adult.
1. Colored tights. Jake and Landen would have no use for this, but Adult Nell would. Every little girl had this outfit: red and white checked dress, bright red tights, black patent Mary Janes. I would like to bring back the bright tights as part of the whole ensemble. I know they make colored tights, but they're for punk chicks and pre-teens. I would like for colored tights to be fashionable office attire, universally.
2. Smurfs. And Rainbow Brite. Our boys watch cartoons that are so much more mature than when we were little--they make inuendos that only adults would notice. I would like to put Sponge Bob through the mean shredder at my office (the Gobbler) and never hear his name mentioned again. Papa Smurf and Gargamel--I could never tire of their shenanigans. Stupid Johnny Test and his talking dogs and his twin sisters who rule the science lab--ick. I wanted to be Rainbow Brite--friends with a sprite, living in rainbowland ruling all the colors of the Earth upon Starlite, my steed, and foiling Murky and Lurky's plans to rain gray on the world. There were boys on that show--who didn't crush on Red Butler? Don't get me started on the profundity of the Care Bear Stare.
3. Bicycles. I *think* Jake and Landen have bicycles at their grandparents', but they don't ride them. In our apartment in the city, we have no where to store bicycles and couldn't let them go far for fear of being run over in the parking lot or stolen. I used to ride my bike EVERYWHERE, all over the neighborhood, all over Jena, no supervision required. I'm sad that my kids are growing up in an urban area where they will never understand the freedom of a 10-speed.
4. Lite-brite. Corey and I scanned stores at Christmas looking for a Lite-Brite for the boys, and could not find one. They love to turn off the lights and run the battery down on their lightsaber that illuminates. They love to draw and the biggest hit of Christmas was the giant tin of Tinker Toys. Is a Lite-Brite not an absolute necessity for these two?
5. Holograms. I want everything to be hologrammed. Coke cans, blackberries, playing cards, t-shirts. I think it would make everything we bore our eyes with on a daily basis such a better visual experience--look at it from this direction, and it's one thing. Tilt it, or move your head, and it's something different!
6. I would say little green army men, but a several Christmases ago, my Uncle Joe wrote in his annual Christmas Letter a story about how my dad played for hours a day with just a bag of little green men, up until the age of 14. So that Christmas, he actually BOUGHT my dad a bag of those little green men. We've had them at my parent's house, and Jake and Landen thought they were the perfect complement to the uber set of Lincoln Logs they got from the Great Ones, so it's the gift that keeps on giving. I've yet to see them in toy stores, but you can find them at just about any drug store.
7. Easy bake ovens. Actually, this is just nostalgia. I think they still make these, but I would never buy one for the boys. They would put their toys in it. And I learned long ago that the best use for as Easy Bake Oven is as a tabletop on which to eat the Easy Bake Batter, which never made it into my own personal oven. It went directly into my mouth.
8. Fruity Marshmallow Rice Krispies. They stopped making it when I was in junior high, and I have never fully recovered. I think about that cereal every time I eat cereal. My favorite cereal in the entire world, and I would love, love, love if I could sit down with Jake and Landen on Saturday mornings, and eat this.
9. Swimming lessons. It's such a HASSLE when you want your kids to be extracurricular in the city, in a custody arrangement. Every summer, my mama hauled me to the Y in Alexandria for some swim lessons. Good thing that Cydney Wilson is a swim instructor, but it's still not the same experience as being in a swim-lesson class.
10. Chip and dip. Apparently, the rest of the world does not consider this a meal the way we did at the Wilson household. We got ranch dip that you make with the powder mix and sour cream, Ruffles, rolled-up pieces of turkey and occasionally, we'd tolerate a carrot. On special occasions, we'd have nachos made with Velveeta, or pizza sauce with pepperonis, but mostly, we had ranch dip. Every Saturday. On a big platter in front of the TV. I feel certain that if I put this down in front of Jake and Landen and tried to pass it as a meal, they'd ask where the chicken or the french fries were.
I'm going to try it. And I'll report back on how it turns out.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Getting out the family photos
I love pictures. I love to take pictures of the ordinary--Jake and Landen "playing" Guitar Hero, Lily napping, Corey doing anything with the boys. Most of all, I love old family pictures. By old, I mean pictures of the four of us when Cydney and I were little. So I offer some to share, but by God, if anyone makes fun of my hair, you're all in deep shit.
(Please note: Corey is excluded from this post because we have ONE picture of him when he was little that I will have to scan and post. When I was in high school, I got a bunch of his little boy pictures from his Grandma, but when I could no longer claim ownership of him, I mailed the pictures back to him. Stupid Katrina ate them. Not my sister-in-law. The hurricane.)
I am eating cake. Cake is good.
This is the Fat Buddha. My aunt Jean shoplifted Buddha and gave it to my Grandmother as a gift. My dad and I have been fighting over who can own Fat Buddha since I was this old. Right now, it's at his house.
This is my favorite picture of Cydney. I don't know where that hat came from, and whatever she is working on here, she's into it. Plus, the child never, ever wore pants.
Look. at. my. mama's. hair.
(Please note: Corey is excluded from this post because we have ONE picture of him when he was little that I will have to scan and post. When I was in high school, I got a bunch of his little boy pictures from his Grandma, but when I could no longer claim ownership of him, I mailed the pictures back to him. Stupid Katrina ate them. Not my sister-in-law. The hurricane.)
My mother made her wedding dress. August 6, 1971
I like to believe that I was never one of those children who was cruel to animals, but I appear to be choking the hell out of my poor kitty, Kelly. Burgundy tights and lots of bangs.
I am eating cake. Cake is good.
This is the Fat Buddha. My aunt Jean shoplifted Buddha and gave it to my Grandmother as a gift. My dad and I have been fighting over who can own Fat Buddha since I was this old. Right now, it's at his house.
This is my favorite picture of Cydney. I don't know where that hat came from, and whatever she is working on here, she's into it. Plus, the child never, ever wore pants.
Look. at. my. mama's. hair.
Maybe the only picture taken of Cydney on a beach in her bathing suit. I promise it was abandoned shortly after this picture was taken. She spent her developmental years naked on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. I have chosen not to post THOSE pictures on the blog.
Yes, those were MY glasses on my face.
I'm not sure what's worse, that I am drinking my own Coke from a can at whatever age this is, or that my addiction has truly been lifelong.
Not milk in my house. Coke. And mother's shoes.
My glasses on me. Dad's glasses on Cydney.
I poke that fat baby in her face.
Rock. star.
Yes, those were MY glasses on my face.
I'm not sure what's worse, that I am drinking my own Coke from a can at whatever age this is, or that my addiction has truly been lifelong.
Not milk in my house. Coke. And mother's shoes.
My glasses on me. Dad's glasses on Cydney.
I poke that fat baby in her face.
Rock. star.
Couldn't you eat her little clown face?
Maybe this isn't a post about family pictures, but about how stupid cute me and Cydney were when we were tots.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Barack-star
I haven't said much about this--online or in person--and I don't have a profound reason for it. I'm so in awe that we as a people were forward-thinking enough, even if for one day and one day only, to know that this man is the right choice at the right time.- When we need to re-establish our respectability and dominance with the world
- When it needs to be demonstrated that not all American leaders should be Protestant white men
- When voters acknowledge that diversity may be the best representation of this country
- When we are tired of nepotism and family dynamics leaving us flat broke and stepped on
- When we are sick of everything old
I am so proud to be an American right now, and for the first time since I've been voting for President, I have faith in my candidate, and faith in our people.
I also love that Michelle Obama is being compared to Jackie Kennedy. Now, I did not start off a fan of MO, but I am coming around. I do not think that she is a modern-day Jackie Kennedy. Part of Jackie's effect on the world was that she was almost ethereal. MO is gritty and real. I get the point of the comparison is what effect Michelle is going to have on the style and fashion of this generation, must like Jackie inspiring the world to wear those jackets with the big collars and the pillbox hat. No First Lady since then has exhibited inordinate fashion sense, but here comes Michelle Obama. Goodbye suits and pants. HELLO dresses, and even better, DRESSES WITH CARDIGANS. I can never buy enough of either. I'm so fashion forward.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Reasons I Think Kate Gosselin Is a Deity
I don't want to oversell this, but Jon and Kate + 8 is one of the best shows ever. I love them so much I want to buy all of them birthday and Christmas presents. Seriously, they could afford to buy for me and my whole family better than I can afford to buy Christmas presents for them. Corey never wants to watch it, but if he's doing something and I turn it on, or he's reading and says I can watch whatever I want and I choose that, he lurves them just as much as I do. I totally bypass all the "God is good" and "we are blessed and wholesome" crapola (not that God isn't good, I just don't care for people to hammer that home on TV.) I am inspired more by the things that Kate Gosselin doesn't do or say.
#1 This will only make sense to you if you watch the show. She has yet to slap Mady upside the head or beat her senseless on camera, and that child deserves them both simultaneously. She's just the most horrid child. The excuse is that she has periods of resentment that she has so many younger siblings who get so much attention. Boofuckinghoo. That would not fly in any house I've lived in, whether I'm the parented or the parent. She screams and goes psychotically disagreeable and shows her ass, and that, as my father always threatened, should get a knot jerked in her ass. If the show was called Nell and Corey + 3 and she was the third, she would be slapped and kicked at the same time, and it would be captured on camera. Bear in mind, I don't slap and/or kick my own children, but they don't act like her.
#2 She's organic. She recycles. She moved her house green as much as she can. With eight children. Now, I could say that I am totally capable of recycling and being organic and green if I was a stay-at-home mother. Hell, I should be able to do it with two kids, part time. Yeah, I'm not. No delusions here. No kids, two kids, eight kids--makes no difference. Job, no job--still ain't hap'nin. Why? Because the Chimes doesn't make organic cheese fries and if you separate your garbage into recycle bins, you still have to TAKE it somewhere. Nobody is coming to haul that off for you like they do your regular ole' garbage. I use a counter cleaner that says "green" on it, and I use dye and fragrance free detergent. I turn the lights off when I'm not using them, and I only wash mine and Corey's clothes when we run out of underwear. I conserve.
#3 She's clearly a marketing genius. I regularly remind Corey that we're going to have to put two children through college, and at least that expense we will share with their mother. We plan to have one that we are responsible for our ownselves. I think we're funny and people would be entertained by us on TV. She went and made those kids a commodity and now they're going to pay for their own college education! They started paying for it at birth.
#4 She's always sober. We've seen her have a glass of wine, but never at home. With eight kids. That's eight bartenders. Teach them a trade and make the whole experience jolly, is all I'm saying.
#5 She's still married, which means that whatever she's throwing down on Jon is some Grade-A business, because I'm quite sure that if I ever yelled at Corey in the Toys R Us like she did to Jon, I'd be left in the parking lot and my sister would need to come fetch me. So somehow, she gets him to stick around and suffer/love eight children with her, and it's not because she's a doll or has cute hair. Woman's gotta have some TALENT.
#6 They've never had to bleep her. If my washing machine ever floods my laundry room, you will hear me say "motherf***er." She's never told a child that she's sick of their shit or asked them what the hell they're thinking or told them they're about to get an ass-whipping, all of which my children have in their future. When all eight of them got the flu over a two week period and she had to set up pallettes with potties and vomit pans on the floor in her laundry room, she didn't tell America to f*** her life.
#7 Most important of all is that her children grow up to be good people with kind hearts.
I know it's TV's job to make having eight children under the age of 8 an easy-breezy blasty blast, but seriously, she has some flaws and people have some very horrible things to say about her, but nobody could ever say that she doesn't love her family, and her kids will never think she regretted having eight of them. If you're watching the Gosselins, the story isn't about how hard it is, it's that it doesn't matter how hard it is. However many there are, it's a privilege.
Y'all know Corey had a good time in his youth, and God bless us all, Landen is at five like Corey was at 15. I make fun of Corey, but when the shit hits the fan, Corey won't be going it alone. Landen regularly gives us a reason to dread his teenage years. I don't know what movie they were watching this weekend that prompted this, but Jake came out with all the skinny sweetness in the world and declared that he would have 50 children. I asked him how old he would like to be when he started having all these children to raise, and he said "twenty-five." Thank you Jesus for that smart and appropriate boy. I think he got a high five from his dad on that.
Never one to be outdone, Landen says that he is going to have 100 children. I asked HIM what age he will begin bringing home all these babies, and he said "sixteen."
Kate Gosselin, help us.
#1 This will only make sense to you if you watch the show. She has yet to slap Mady upside the head or beat her senseless on camera, and that child deserves them both simultaneously. She's just the most horrid child. The excuse is that she has periods of resentment that she has so many younger siblings who get so much attention. Boofuckinghoo. That would not fly in any house I've lived in, whether I'm the parented or the parent. She screams and goes psychotically disagreeable and shows her ass, and that, as my father always threatened, should get a knot jerked in her ass. If the show was called Nell and Corey + 3 and she was the third, she would be slapped and kicked at the same time, and it would be captured on camera. Bear in mind, I don't slap and/or kick my own children, but they don't act like her.
#2 She's organic. She recycles. She moved her house green as much as she can. With eight children. Now, I could say that I am totally capable of recycling and being organic and green if I was a stay-at-home mother. Hell, I should be able to do it with two kids, part time. Yeah, I'm not. No delusions here. No kids, two kids, eight kids--makes no difference. Job, no job--still ain't hap'nin. Why? Because the Chimes doesn't make organic cheese fries and if you separate your garbage into recycle bins, you still have to TAKE it somewhere. Nobody is coming to haul that off for you like they do your regular ole' garbage. I use a counter cleaner that says "green" on it, and I use dye and fragrance free detergent. I turn the lights off when I'm not using them, and I only wash mine and Corey's clothes when we run out of underwear. I conserve.
#3 She's clearly a marketing genius. I regularly remind Corey that we're going to have to put two children through college, and at least that expense we will share with their mother. We plan to have one that we are responsible for our ownselves. I think we're funny and people would be entertained by us on TV. She went and made those kids a commodity and now they're going to pay for their own college education! They started paying for it at birth.
#4 She's always sober. We've seen her have a glass of wine, but never at home. With eight kids. That's eight bartenders. Teach them a trade and make the whole experience jolly, is all I'm saying.
#5 She's still married, which means that whatever she's throwing down on Jon is some Grade-A business, because I'm quite sure that if I ever yelled at Corey in the Toys R Us like she did to Jon, I'd be left in the parking lot and my sister would need to come fetch me. So somehow, she gets him to stick around and suffer/love eight children with her, and it's not because she's a doll or has cute hair. Woman's gotta have some TALENT.
#6 They've never had to bleep her. If my washing machine ever floods my laundry room, you will hear me say "motherf***er." She's never told a child that she's sick of their shit or asked them what the hell they're thinking or told them they're about to get an ass-whipping, all of which my children have in their future. When all eight of them got the flu over a two week period and she had to set up pallettes with potties and vomit pans on the floor in her laundry room, she didn't tell America to f*** her life.
#7 Most important of all is that her children grow up to be good people with kind hearts.
I know it's TV's job to make having eight children under the age of 8 an easy-breezy blasty blast, but seriously, she has some flaws and people have some very horrible things to say about her, but nobody could ever say that she doesn't love her family, and her kids will never think she regretted having eight of them. If you're watching the Gosselins, the story isn't about how hard it is, it's that it doesn't matter how hard it is. However many there are, it's a privilege.
Y'all know Corey had a good time in his youth, and God bless us all, Landen is at five like Corey was at 15. I make fun of Corey, but when the shit hits the fan, Corey won't be going it alone. Landen regularly gives us a reason to dread his teenage years. I don't know what movie they were watching this weekend that prompted this, but Jake came out with all the skinny sweetness in the world and declared that he would have 50 children. I asked him how old he would like to be when he started having all these children to raise, and he said "twenty-five." Thank you Jesus for that smart and appropriate boy. I think he got a high five from his dad on that.
Never one to be outdone, Landen says that he is going to have 100 children. I asked HIM what age he will begin bringing home all these babies, and he said "sixteen."
Kate Gosselin, help us.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Things that go bump in the night
We've been having trouble with Landen's sleeping habits. When he's not with us, his sleeping arrangements aren't ideal, so we have to stick to our guns that in this house, adults sleep in their bed and children sleep in their beds. For a couple weeks, Landen wouldn't go to sleep. He was afraid of the dark, so we either left his Christmas tree on all night, or if Jake fell asleep first, he was afraid to be alone.
This week, he's afraid of ghosts. Corey and I both believe in ghosts, but we tell him there's no such thing. Yesterday he swore he saw one in our bathroom. Monday night I woke up to him standing on the bed in front of me trembling because he had a nightmare. Corey returned him to his bed and laid down with him. He dreamed that a ghost was in his room about to whop him with a pillowcase.
Last night, he returned to Corey's side of the bed because the ghost had returned. I don't think Corey woke up, he just picked him up and put him in the bed. Several hours later, cramped and hot, I nudged Corey to go put Landen back in his bed. Corey crawled over him, picked him up and took him back to his room.
Lily's food bowls are right outside our bedroom door. My poor doodlebug was having herself a midnight snack, completely unexpecting her dad to come busting out of the bedroom door, unable to see her, thanks to the sleeping five year old he was carrying in his arms. He stepped on her tail, and she got tangled in his feet.
Then I hear Corey go "oof" and both of them hit the wall. I opened my eyes and looked out the door, but I didn't hop up because I figured that if Corey had fallen and landed on Landen, there would be some commotion coming from smushed Landen underneath him. I saw Landen's arm still in the air, but I heard him say "Ow." When Corey returned to the bed he told me he broke their fall with the large knot at his wrist, and he thought he broke it.
I commenced uncontrollably laughter and rolling around the bed, which he didn't appreciate. And when I got up this morning, Landen didn't remember having a bad dream or a collision.
Maybe it wasn't Lily. Maybe the ghost pushed him because he didn't believe.
This week, he's afraid of ghosts. Corey and I both believe in ghosts, but we tell him there's no such thing. Yesterday he swore he saw one in our bathroom. Monday night I woke up to him standing on the bed in front of me trembling because he had a nightmare. Corey returned him to his bed and laid down with him. He dreamed that a ghost was in his room about to whop him with a pillowcase.
Last night, he returned to Corey's side of the bed because the ghost had returned. I don't think Corey woke up, he just picked him up and put him in the bed. Several hours later, cramped and hot, I nudged Corey to go put Landen back in his bed. Corey crawled over him, picked him up and took him back to his room.
Lily's food bowls are right outside our bedroom door. My poor doodlebug was having herself a midnight snack, completely unexpecting her dad to come busting out of the bedroom door, unable to see her, thanks to the sleeping five year old he was carrying in his arms. He stepped on her tail, and she got tangled in his feet.
Then I hear Corey go "oof" and both of them hit the wall. I opened my eyes and looked out the door, but I didn't hop up because I figured that if Corey had fallen and landed on Landen, there would be some commotion coming from smushed Landen underneath him. I saw Landen's arm still in the air, but I heard him say "Ow." When Corey returned to the bed he told me he broke their fall with the large knot at his wrist, and he thought he broke it.
I commenced uncontrollably laughter and rolling around the bed, which he didn't appreciate. And when I got up this morning, Landen didn't remember having a bad dream or a collision.
Maybe it wasn't Lily. Maybe the ghost pushed him because he didn't believe.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Resolving to do nothing for 2009
I don't do New Year's resolutions. I'm just setting myself up for personal failure and disappointment, because so much changes in my life in the course of any year, my resolve changes also. I do like to have a round of introspection at the beginning of a new year, to count my blessings, and think about what I am looking forward to this year.
Y'all, I graduate on May 15th. Last fall completed all my night class requirements--I shall never spend three hours at dinnertime in a classroom twice a week again! I'm so looking forward to cooking dinner, being home to put the boys to bed, going to the gym after work, and not collapsing in sobs from exhaustion on a montly basis. (This leads me to something I am not looking forward to, and that is the tens of thousands of dollars in student loans I will begin paying at the end of this year. Actually, the first note should be due just in time for Christmas.)
After May 15th, I'm not taking on any more projects. We've decided not to buy a house or have a baby until after deployment, which is slated for 2010. So I'm going to spend the rest of 2009 working, being a better friend, wife and stepmother. And practice my culinary skills.
I have faith that 2009 is the year of my mother's improved health and mobility. She's started with a new doctor in Dallas who specializes in intrusions of the spine.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to my hair growing back. My short hair is cute and fun, but man, I miss my mane.
Y'all, I graduate on May 15th. Last fall completed all my night class requirements--I shall never spend three hours at dinnertime in a classroom twice a week again! I'm so looking forward to cooking dinner, being home to put the boys to bed, going to the gym after work, and not collapsing in sobs from exhaustion on a montly basis. (This leads me to something I am not looking forward to, and that is the tens of thousands of dollars in student loans I will begin paying at the end of this year. Actually, the first note should be due just in time for Christmas.)
After May 15th, I'm not taking on any more projects. We've decided not to buy a house or have a baby until after deployment, which is slated for 2010. So I'm going to spend the rest of 2009 working, being a better friend, wife and stepmother. And practice my culinary skills.
I have faith that 2009 is the year of my mother's improved health and mobility. She's started with a new doctor in Dallas who specializes in intrusions of the spine.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to my hair growing back. My short hair is cute and fun, but man, I miss my mane.
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