The motion of the ocean

When I declared to Corey my intention to book us a cruise for our honeymoon, Corey said "Okay, but we have to have a window. I'll get sea sick if I can't see the horizon." So I booked us a room with a view on the upper deck, which is not as upper as the name indicates. Having spent a night aboard a yacht docked in a harbor and enjoyed excellent sleep as the boat rocked me into deep slumber, I considered myself a seasoned vet at sleeping on boats.

Not. so.

I never hurled. But I was very shocked at how sensitive I became to the movement of the boat once we got into open water. The first night on the boat, we went adventuring around the decks, and in my heart of hearts I know that I intended to walk in the direction I was facing, which was forward. I kept going 45 degrees to the left.

Second day was better. Third day was fine. Fourth day was fine. Fourth night I was ready to get the fuck off that boat.

On the fourth night, some shit was going on with our navigation and the mood of the sea, and Corey can explain why if you want him to, but basically, the Carnival Holiday commenced beating us. Actually, just me. Remember when Corey declared his tendency to get sick if he couldn't see the horizon? Turns out he has impeccable sea legs. Ass.

After our evening entertainment, we returned to the room, and I went to flop down on our very large bed, and mid-air, the boat tipped away from me. The bed wasn't there to catch me from flinging myself much further than I intended, which turned out being against the wall on the other side of the bed. I flew into the wall on my back, head first, legs akimbo, in a skirt, with an audible thump. Corey said my eyes and mouth were in perfect O's. (His true description was that I looked like I'd just taken one in the pooper. He's so gross.) He didn't even laugh. I did, but I think it was the shock.

The fifth day and night, we leaned one fucking direction or another the whole damn time, and neither of us could fall asleep, the boat was thrashing us so. I forgot to include this lesson in a previous post.

#13 Willing yourself not to think about movies like Titanic and Poseidon only makes you think about ship-sinking movies where people perish even more.

And y'all thought this post was going to be about the private honeymoon activities of your favorite newlyweds.

Perverts.